9 Things You Should Never Say to Your Best Friend

 You can say anything to your best friend, right? Well, yes and no. Your close relationship gives you lots of leeway, but there's a fine line between honest and insulting. While you may think you've never said anything offensive to your BFF, there have likely been times that your words have inadvertently stung. Saying something as simple as, "Hey, have you lost weight?" could elicit a different reaction than you expected, thanks to its loaded meaning, says Jill Melton, communication expert and author of The Power of the Zip. Read on for nine things you should never say to your best friend, plus learn better ways to get your point across.

friends

"Don't you want children?"

Sure, there are obviously offensive comments you wouldn't make to childless friends, like what a pal once told Helen*: "Good thing you never had kids-you can hardly take care of yourself!" But even the mild-sounding "Don't you want children?" makes assumptions about what's going on in another person's head and life, says Melton. What if your friend desperately wants kids but is struggling with infertility? Or what if she doesn't want to be a mother but would rather avoid an awkward conversation about her decision? When it comes to discussing kids, let your friend take the lead. "If she wants to discuss her choice, she'll bring it up herself," says Melton.

"You've lost weight!"

"Weight is a dirty word-period," says Lillian Glass, PhD, body language expert and author of The Body Language Advantage. Even if you're trying to give a compliment, this statement can confuse, or even insult, your friend. What if she lost weight because she's been depressed? Or perhaps she didn't think she'd lost any weight and now worries that you thought she was overweight before. If you suspect that your friend has slimmed down, just say, "You look wonderful!" advises Dr. Glass. Who knows--she could look great thanks to a fabulous haircut or new outfit; there's no need to make assumptions about what changed. That said, if a friend has dropped an alarming amount of weight and you're worried about her health, bring it up in a way that conveys your concern, says Melton. Try, "I've noticed you're looking thinner lately. Is something going on that you want to talk about?" 

"That guy you're dating? Not marriage material!"

Lisa*'s friend asked her opinion about a new beau, and she gave him the thumbs-down-with friendship-fizzling results. "My pal ended up marrying the guy, and now she's distant," says Lisa. "I thought I was being a good friend by pointing out the facts, but I should have listened to my dad's reminder, 'Everyone chooses their own sweetheart,' and kept my mouth shut." If your friend's guy seems like a bad choice to you--but she hasn't asked your opinion--keep your judgments to yourself. Aside from having hard evidence about serious stuff (like he has a wife and kids in another city, or is a drug dealer, for example), you really don't know if he's "wrong" for her. If she does ask what you think, "turn it back to her," suggests Melton. Try: "I don't know him as well as you do. Tell me what you like and don't like about him." Then you can base what you say on her response, so your thoughts don't seem out of the blue.

"You bought what?!"

If your best friend constantly complains about tough financial times and then shows up with a trendy designer bag, it can be tempting to call her out on her spending. But a judgment-riddled "are you kidding me?! What did that cost?" is decidedly the wrong thing to say because "you're not in charge of her budget. She is," says Melton. Consider, too, that you may not know where her money's coming from, says Dr. Glass: "What if she's spending a gift from someone else?" So if you notice something brand-spanking new and expensive, just say, "Wow, cool boots," or "What a great new car." That said, if she asks you for help managing her money (or to borrow some of yours), gently point out ways she can trim her costs or try these other ideas for balancing friends and finances.

"Congrats on a well-deserved promotion! You've been in that position for so long."

What's the problem with a congratulatory remark? A lot if it's actually a backhanded compliment. The above implies that your friend didn't quite earn the promotion. Instead of suggesting that anyone in her (worn) shoes would have gotten a bump at work, try a hearty, "Good for you! Very impressive!" suggests Melton. And if your friend suspects that she, say, got that promotion because she'd been in that job so long it would've been embarrassing not to, leave the door open for her to discuss that with you. You should be a sounding board for your friend, not a sniper.

"How dare you not tell me [you bought a new car/got a new job/met a new guy]!"

On the one hand, says Dr. Glass, "It's reasonable to feel slighted if your good friend doesn't share news with you." It's expressing your anger over being left out that's a no-no. "Some friends don't keep you posted on everything for reasons that have nothing to do with you," says Melton. Saying something like this makes the situation all about you feeling excluded, not about what's happening in your friend's life. When you do hear your pal's good news, just tell her, "I'm so happy for you." If this happens often and you worry that your friend is keeping updates from you, open up a discussion about it. Could it be you haven't been that enthusiastic about her news in the past, or have shared her info with others without her permission? See what you could do differently before scolding her for not filling you in. 

"I wish my husband were as great as yours!"

Why wouldn't it be wonderful to hear you've scored big in the life-partner department? Because the friend who says this is subtly (or not so subtly) downgrading her own spouse, which can be awkward for the person on the other side of the conversation. "A friend said that to me about my husband when she was going through a divorce," says Shelly.* Feeling uncomfortable and unwilling to bash her friend's spouse, Shelly's taken to responding with, "Yep, he's a good guy," and changing the subject. While occasional compliments are completely fine, avoid making comparisons: "They reveal jealousy," says Dr. Glass. If you're having problems with your partner you can certainly ask your happily married buddy for advice, adds Melton. "But since every relationship is unique, a comparison isn't a good way to start that conversation."

"Your wedding was so tiny!" or "You're so much bigger than I was when I was pregnant!"

What may seem like a harmless observation to you can actually come across as a cruel comparison. Anna's* friend once said, "It was good you got married first; now I know what I don't want at my wedding!" Anna was floored. Before you say something like that, examine your motives for wanting to do so, suggests Melton. Anna's friend, for example, may have wanted planning advice, and she could have told Anna what she loved about her wedding instead of cutting down her friend's choices. "Try to figure out what exactly your friend's wedding [or pregnancy] triggered in you," says Melton. Are you having second thoughts about some of your wedding choices? Worrying about how much weight you've gained by your second trimester? Once you uncover what's at the root of your observations, you can express your feelings without sounding snarky. 

"Don't worry. It'll be fine."

Shelly still feels the sting of friends' trite platitudes when her mother was terminally ill, because of course things weren't fine. In situations like this, your friend might be worried for good reason, so saying "don't worry" is dismissive, explains Melton. Instead, use your judgment based on the situation. In some cases saying "it'll be fine" in a loving, sincere way can show your compassion, says Dr. Glass. But much of the time, it's better to use words that show your friend that you feel her pain, that you're pulling for her and that you may not know what it's like to, say, lose your mother, but you're in her corner as she goes through the worst of it. A simple, "I'm here if you need me" goes a long way, especially if you follow that up with concrete ways to help her through her rough time, whether that's picking up her kids from soccer, bringing over dinner or just sharing some wine and company.

Source: Shine

America's Most Stressful Cities

With common factors such as traffic, crowds, noise, grime, and crime, cities are generally not perceived as oases of calm.

But what makes one city more stressful to live in than the next? To gauge the stress of residents in American cities, data cruncher Sperling’s Best Places considered the 50 largest metropolitan areas (which includes suburbs). The team considered the following factors: divorce rate, commute times, unemployment, violent crime, property crime, suicides, alcohol consumption, mental health, sleep troubles, and the annual amount of cloudy days.

There wasn’t much variance in several categories. For alcohol consumption per month, each of the top 10 cities ranged from 8.7 to 14 drinks per month; for days per month with poor mental health, the metro areas ranged from 2.9 to 4.3; and for days per month of poor sleep, the range was 6.9 to 8.2.

The data behind this list does not paint a cheery picture. The Sunshine State, in particular, seems much less sunny — dismal, even. What follows are the five metropolitan areas that fared the worst using the above criteria.

1. Tampa-St. Petersburg-Clearwater, Florida
Population: 2,780,818
Divorced: 12.3%
Commute time – minutes: 28.3
Unemployment: 11.2%
Violent crime per 100,000 population: 500
Property crime per 100,000 population: 3,387.2
Suicides per 100,000 population: 15.5
Cloudy days annually: 127

The numbers say Tampa is the most stressful area.

2. Las Vegas-Paradise, Nevada
Population: 1,908,008
Divorced: 13.2%
Commute time – minutes: 27
Unemployment: 14%
Violent crime per 100,000 population: 763.4
Property crime per 100,000 population: 2,921.9
Suicides per 100,000 population: 18
Cloudy days annually: 65 

Elvis weddings aside, Las Vegas leads the way in divorces. Photo: Ethan Miller / Getty Images

Standout factors: Las Vegas-Paradise is in the 100th percentile for divorces, but it had the least cloudy days of the 50 cities analyzed.

3. Miami-Miami Beach-Kendall, Florida
Population: 2,472,015
Divorced: 11.5%
Commute time – minutes: 33.2
Unemployment: 12.5%
Violent crime per 100,000 population: 733.3
Property crime per 100,000 population: 4,678.3
Suicides per 100,000 population: 9.3
Cloudy days annually: 117

Miami is sunny but riddled with crime. Photo: Hector Herrera / Getty Images

Standout factors: Metropolitan Miami is in the 97th percentile for property crime, and 95th percentile for violent crime, but is in the fourth percentile for alcohol consumption.

4. Jacksonville, Florida

Population: 1,374,303
Divorced: 12.3%
Commute time – minutes: 28.0
Unemployment: 10.4%
Violent crime per 100,000 population: 557
Property crime per 100,000 population: 3,772.4
Suicides per 100,000 population: 13.9
Cloudy days annually: 139

Love doesn't seem to last in Jacksonville. Photo: Don Klumpp / Getty Images

Standout factor: Jacksonville is in the 95th percentile for divorces.

5. Detroit-Livonia-Dearborn, Michigan
Population: 1,918,288
Divorced: 11.4%
Commute time – minutes: 27
Unemployment: 15.7%
Violent crime per 100,000 population: 1111.2
Property crime per 100,000 population: 4,152.4
Suicides per 100,000 population: 9.6
Cloudy days annually: 180

Crime is a leading factor for Detroit's stress. Photo: Spencer Platt / Getty Images

Standout factors: The Detroit metropolitan area is in the 100th percentile for violent crime and property crime. It also ranks in the 97th percentile for poor mental health days per month, though it is in the second percentile for alcohol consumption per month.

Source: realestate

6 Signs Your Boss Doesn't Like You

 Feel like you've been getting the cold shoulder from your boss? Chances are it's all in your head. But if you're worried you might be right, check out the following six telltale signs that your boss is not your biggest fan. 

Heed warnings to avoid being fired  

1. He doesn't look you in eye
If your boss doesn't make eye contact with you while chatting about work or during meetings, it either irritates him to see your face or he's considering getting rid of you. If this is the case, it's probably time to brush up your resume. 

2. She excludes you from meetings
Are you included in less meetings or important discussions than you used to be? Are you the last to learn about department news or changes that affect you? If so, you've definitely annoyed her in some way. If you think she's accidentally forgetting to invite you, walk by the meeting room to give her a chance to wave you in. If you do that and she still doesn't ask you to join, it's a safe bet she doesn't want you there. 

3. He goes to lunch with everyone but you
Remember the good ole days when you and the bossman would head off to lunch every now and then? If it's been more than six months since he's asked you to join him-and he's finding time to dine with others on the team-it might be time to start getting concerned.

4. She hasn't given you a review in months
Your boss isn't super invested in you if she's not giving you feedback on a regular basis. If your weekly or monthly one-on-one meetings to discuss workload and career path have fizzled out, so has your boss's interest in you. 

5. He demotes you
If your boss likes you, no matter how poorly you perform, he's not going to demote you. Instead, he'll mentor you. But, if he's not a fan, he'll waste no time organizing a demotion. And beware of the "silent demotion." That's when your boss relieves you of much of yourresponsibility without mention or cause. If this happens, it's likely he's just keeping you around until he finds someone better. 

6. She tells you point blank
If your boss says things like, "you're not meeting expectations" or "you're underperforming," she isn't happy with you. In fact, she's letting you know in no uncertain terms that if things don't change, she's going to let you go. If you find yourself in this situation, either change your ways or get ready for the impeding job search.

Source: Shine

20 Secrets Your Waiter Won’t Tell You

 I recently read a list of secrets that waiters won’t tell you on Reader’s Digest’s site. Since it was a slideshow and a giant pain in the ass to click through, I posted the secrets below, followed by my response to them.

Coffee Switching
In most restaurants, after 8 p.m. or so, all the coffee is decaf because no one wants to clean two different coffeepots. I’ll bring out a tray with 12 coffees on it and give some to the customers who ordered regular, others to the ones who ordered decaf. But they’re all decaf.
-Charity Ohlund
I’m sure every server has been guilty of this at some point. I’ve even seen servers run out of coffee and top it off with hot water. I usually don’t do this but I won’t hesitate to microwave coffee that isn’t piping hot (it takes 10 minutes for a new pot and I usually don’t have time to wait). I have never given someone regular coffee that requested decaf but may have topped off regular coffee with decaf once of twice.


Additional Sugar in Kid’s Meals
We put sugar in our kids’ meals so kids will like them more. Seriously. We even put extra sugar in the dough for the kids’ pizzas.
-Waitress at a well-known pizza chain
I have no idea how adding more sugar to something like french fries or a grilled cheese sandwich is even possible. I’ve seen how limited children’s menus are. I know they are mostly deep fried and void of any nutritional value already. I could see adding more fat but sugar? Seems far-fetched to me.


Vegetarian Options
If you’re a vegetarian and you ask if we use vegetable stock, I’m going to say yes, even if we don’t. You’ll never know the difference.
Most servers will be honest when you ask a direct question about vegetarian options – unless you are rude. Even if you are rude, I will still be honest when you ask me a direct question. I may, however, pretend to not pick up on the fact that you are vegetarian and allow you to order something that contains meat if you are rude to me. My awesome listening skills are reserved for people who are nice and considerate.


The Specials Aren’t That Special
At a lot of restaurants, the special is whatever they need to sell before it goes bad. Especially watch out for the soup of the day. If it contains fish or if it’s some kind of ‘gumbo,’ it’s probably the stuff they’re trying to get rid of.
-Kathy Kniss, who waited tables for ten years in Los Angeles
I agree with this fact. Our restaurant orders stuff especially for specials but a lot of places don’t do this. When things are about to expire, we have specials that are even more special.


Everyone Fondles The Lemons
Now that I’ve worked in a restaurant, I never ask for lemon in a drink. Everybody touches them. Nobody washes them. We just peel the stickers off, cut them up, and throw them in your iced tea.
-Charity Ohlund, Kansas City waitress
Yes, when staff members cut lemons, they do touch them. I doubt they are washed before or after. When the servers get them, though, we generally use tongs – bartenders almost never use tongs and they wash their hands less frequently.


Calorie Counting
If you ask me how many calories are in a particular dish, I’m not allowed to tell you even if I know. I’m supposed to say, ‘All that information is available online.’
-Waitress at a well-known pizza chain
I doubt anyone knows the calorie count of any dish. I’ve never heard of not being able to tell someone if you were some freak who happened to know.
General rules:
if it’s in a restaurant, it’s a lot.
if it’s fried, it’s more.
if you’re on a diet, stay home or eat somewhere with healthy choices and calories noted on the menu.


Credit Card Declined
I’ve never seen anybody do anything to your food, but I have seen servers mess with your credit card. If a server doesn’t like you, he might try to embarrass you in front of your business associate or date by bringing your credit card back and saying, ‘Do you have another card? This one didn’t go through.’?-Charity Ohlund
I have seen some people & heard some stories of people doing stuff to your food (not at my current employers since we have food runners). In every case, it was because the customer was a complete jerkwad. I’m not saying it was deserved, I’m just saying that you should consider being nice to your server. I guess I could see someone attempting to embarrass you by pretending your credit card is declined but I have never witnessed it. It seems like a dumb idea since it prevents you from getting an annoying person out of your station right away.


The Skinny on Skim Milk
Skim milk is almost never skim milk. Very few restaurants outside Starbucks carry whole milk, 2 percent milk, skim milk, and half-and-half; it’s just not practical.
-Chris
Why wouldn’t the server just tell you what type of milk is available (i.e. we only have 2% milk)?


Salad Dressing Isn’t Made In-house
Some places buy salad dressings in one-gallon jars, then add a few ingredients, like a blue cheese crumble or fresh herbs, and call it homemade on the menu.
-Former waiter Jake Blanton, who spent ten years in restaurants in Virginia, North Carolina, and California
First of all, Hidden Valley Ranch is the shit. How can you top that? Yes, we do use it but we never lie about it and claim that we make it ourselves. Places that do probably use the powder that you just add milk and mayo to.


Hot Tea
The single greatest way to get your waiter to hate you? Ask for hot tea. For some reason, an industry that’s managed to streamline everything else hasn’t been able to streamline that. You’ve got to get a pot, boil the water, get the lemons, get the honey, bring a cup and spoon. It’s a lot of work for little reward.
-Christopher Fehlinger, maître d’ at a popular New York City restaurant
I love hot tea, with breakfast or when I have a cold. I only order it at places that are known for breakfast though- like Ihop or Denny’s. I hate making it and so does every other server on the planet.


Pooling Tips
In many restaurants, the tips are pooled, so if you have a bad experience with the server, you’re stiffing the bartender who made your drinks, the water boy who poured your water, sometimes the hostess, the food runners, and maybe the other waiters.
-Christopher Fehlinger
This really doesn’t matter. You tip the waiter based on your experience and your experience is based primarily on the interaction you have with them. Regardless of how tips are distributed your tip should be the same.
One thing that you should really know is that the IRS assumes the server makes a certain amount in tips per hour (sometimes a percentage of their sales). If you stiff your server then they are being taxed on money that they didn’t even make. Plus, they usually have to give money to support staff (based on their sales) that they didn’t even make by waiting on you.


Eggs From a Powder
Even at the best breakfast buffet in the world, 99 times out of 100, the big pan of scrambled eggs is made from a powder.
-Jake Blanton
I’ve never worked at a buffet and those eggs always gross me out – this explains why.


Blaming the Server
People think that just because your food took a long time, it’s the server’s fault. Nine times out of ten, it’s the kitchen. Or it’s the fact that you ordered a well-done burger.
-Judi Santana
It is almost always the kitchen’s fault or your own for ordering something extra, extra well done or with ridiculously complex special instructions.


Not Your Wife
When you’re with the woman who’s not your wife, you’re a lot nicer to us, probably because you know that we know it’s not your wife.
-Caroline Radaj, waitress at a members-only club outside Milwaukee
Not sure this is even true.


Become A Regular
It’s much easier to be recognized as a regular on Mondays, Tuesdays, or Wednesdays. Once you’re recognized as a regular, good things start to happen. You’ll find your wineglass gets filled without being put on your bill, or the chef might bring you a sample.
-Christopher Fehlinger
Being a regular doesn’t mean that you get free shit. It’s still a business. I can still get fired for giving away stuff instead of selling it. You will get better service if you are a regular, who tips well. If you are a regular who is a constant pain in the ass, I will go to the hostess stand and seat you in someone else’s station. If you ask for a table in my station, I will lie and say I’m about to take a break or leave for the day. Then I will walk by you every five minutes until you figure out that I lied.


Holiday Diners
Avoid Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day like the black plague. It’s crazy busy, so they’re not going to be able to pay as much attention to quality. Plus, they bring out a special menu where everything is overpriced.
-Steve Dublanica
True. Take your special someone out on a day that isn’t so cliche. The same goes for Friday and Saturday nights.


Order For Your Child
If the restaurant is busy and your child is shy, please order for him. Kids can sit there forever trying to decide, or they whisper and you can’t hear them. Meanwhile, the people at the next table are yelling at you to come over.
-Derek Dudley, a waiter at a casual pizza restaurant in Phoenix
Discuss dining options with your kid before you get to the restaurant. Order for him/her if they are hard to understand or too shy to speak up. Also, don’t let them run around or make a mess.


Tipping
The best tippers tend to be middle-class or people who have worked for everything they have, not the really wealthy or the kid who inherited the trust fund. Which is not to say that we mind if you use coupons. But when you do, tip on the amount the bill would have been without them.
-Judi Santana
All true. Tip on the pre-discounted amount. Also, when you pay part of the check in cash and the remainder on the card, tip on the ENTIRE total.
For instance: $100 check
$50 in cash
$50 on card.
Person with card automatically puts 20% on the credit card amount, not factoring in the fact that the entire bill was $100. This means the tip is $10 instead of $20.
Happens all.the.time.


Tipping – First Dates
First dates, especially blind Internet dates, are great for tips. You know he’ll probably order a bottle of wine and leave a 20 to 25 percent tip because he’s showing off.
-Jeremy Burton, waiter at a grill in southwest Michigan
You know who tips better? Single men with attractive waitresses.



Ordering Fish
Don’t order fish on Sunday or Monday. The fish deliveries are usually twice a week, so Tuesday through Friday are great days. Or ask the restaurant when they get theirs.
-Steve Dublanica
I don’t see the big deal. You would buy fish at the market and cook it at your house two days later, right?
Source: waitingvegas

5 Must-Know Appliance-Buying Tips

 Think of it this way: Unlike a rug, lamp, or hat, you can't take it back-or at least not easily. That's why it's called a major appliance. Here's how to avoid major buyer's remorse. 

appliances

1. Never Make an Impulse Buy 
Admit it-you almost bought a car once because it had really great cup holders. You can avoid similar behavior in an appliance showroom by making a list of your priority features ("energy efficient," "lifetime warranty"). Staple it to a list of competing showrooms and Web retailers so you can comparison shop for the best model with the best combination of features at the best price. Wait for a sale if you can; they say fall is the best hunting season because showrooms are trying to clear space for next year's models. Whenever you go, ask a friend with a level head to come along. 

appliances

2. Make Sure You Don't Destroy the Foyer 
You'd be surprised by how many otherwise intelligent people place orders for appliances that won't fit in their allotted space-assuming their new fridge, washer, or whatever doesn't get wedged up against the ceiling of the foyer. Appliance salespeople are full of stories about savvy customers who fail to note that the only way to access the kitchen is up a set of steep stairs, through a narrow doorway, and down a hallway that takes a sharp turn before dead-ending in a spot too small for its hoped-for purpose. Bring a map to the showroom with every single angle and dimension. If the salesperson seems to be not paying attention, ask for her home phone number so you can call at midnight to go over the measurements one more time.

appliances

3. Listen Carefully 
Never compare models without comparing decibel levels. One serious home cook I know just had to have a commercial-kitchen range hood. It's so noisy he can't bear to turn it on. 

appliances

4. Measure Three Times, Buy Once 
As long as you are taking down dimensions (see "Make sure you don't destroy the foyer," previously), stop to consider how your new appliance will interact with its surroundings. Measure that counter-depth fridge's proposed parking space, then measure the fridge-again; "counter depth" may mean "except for the thick door and its beefy handle." Look behind your existing gas range; if the gas pipe protrudes, your new range may protrude too. And watch out for a fridge or front-load washer whose door opens so wide it blocks traffic, causing frustrating delays while some family member contemplates the contents of the produce drawer or the loss of a dear sock. 

appliances

5. Get Ready to Haggle 
Many dealers will match the lowest price offered by the competition. If the price still seems high, see if you can negotiate a deal by buying more than one appliance at a time. When all else fails, ask for free delivery and installation or a free extended warranty. Incidentally, extended warranties are rarely worth paying for-but you probably already knew that. 
Source: Shine

A Day in the Life of a Successful Dieter

 As the associate nutrition editor of EatingWell Magazine, I'm often asked for tips on boosting weight-loss success. While there's no single answer that works for everyone, focusing on your diet and tuning up your exercise are two key elements for weight loss. Another? Having a plan. Start out the week by planning what healthy meals and exercise you can fit in during the upcoming days. There are also some things you can eat and do at certain times throughout the day to maximize your weight-loss success.

Here's a sample day in the life of a successful dieter:


8 a.m. Eat a bowl of oatmeal with banana and walnuts.
Science shows that regular breakfast eaters tend to be leaner and that dieters are more successful at losing weight-and keeping it off-when they eat breakfast. But choosing the right breakfast can give an extra boost to your weight loss. Eating "slow-release" carbohydrates, such as oatmeal or bran cereal, three hours before you exercise may help you burn more fat, suggests a recent study in the Journal of Nutrition. Here's why: slow-release carbohydrates didn't spike blood sugar as high as eating refined carbohydrates, such as white toast. In turn, insulin levels didn't spike as high and because insulin plays a role in signaling your body to store fat, having lower levels may help you burn fat.
Recipes to Try: Breakfasts That Fight Fat
10 a.m. Grab a small nonfat latte and an apple.
If having a snack between meals helps to tide you over, make your choices count. Snacks are a great place to fill nutritional gaps. Choose foods that provide calcium and fiber-two nutrients that people often skimp on. The latte and apple do the trick.
Don't Miss: Burn Fat with These Snacks


11 a.m. Take a brisk 40-minute walk.
Although the recommendation is to get 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise five times a week, research published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that women who exercised an extra 10 minutes five days a week were more successful at warding off weight gain as they moved from their twenties and thirties into middle age.

1 p.m. Eat a big veggie salad topped with grilled chicken and a slice of whole-grain bread.
The formula for a get-skinny lunch that will power you through the afternoon (and banish the need for extra munching) is simple: vegetables, whole-grain bread and lean protein (like chicken, fish, tofu or beans). Why does it work? Making veggies the biggest portion of your lunch will give you a satisfying dose of fiber, the stay-full nutrient, while delivering healthy phytochemicals, vitamins and minerals. The whole grains also add fiber and may help bust belly fat, according to a study in the Journal of Nutrition. The lean protein helps keep you feeling full throughout the afternoon--gram for gram, protein will keep you feeling fuller longer compared to carbohydrates and fat.

4 p.m. Snack on fresh-cut veggies with hummus…or not.
Before having a mid-afternoon snack, take a minute to see if you're really hungry. If not, forgo the extra calories and wait until dinner. If you are, follow the fiber-plus-protein combo for a snack that will really kick your hunger. Carrots and hummus are a classic combo.

6 p.m. Start your meal with a soup or salad.
Filling up on fiber- and water-rich foods first can help prevent you from overdoing high-calorie fare later. Research out of Penn State shows that eating a first-course salad can reduce overall calorie intake at a meal by up to 12 percent. And in a study in Appetite, people who started lunch with vegetable soup ended up eating 20 percent less than those who skipped the soup. Try these Soups and Salads to Help You Lose Weight. Whatever you choose for your main meal, try eating it off a smaller plate-it may help you to eat less while not feeling deprived.
Don't Miss: 500-Calorie Dinners to Help You Slim Down


8 p.m. Indulge in a few squares of dark chocolate.
Believe it or not, giving yourself little treats may be the secret to losing weight-for good. Aiming to be "too good" sets you up to fail. Chocolate is a good choice (if you like it!) because chocolate delivers extra health benefits-it contains antioxidants called flavanols that are good for your heart.
Source: Shine

5 Money Moves to Make in The New Year

 If the past year's spending habits have left you with a depleted savings account and a mound of debt, make sure the year ahead doesn't follow the same pattern. Changing your money habits isn't always easy, but the New Year is a great time to start. Some of the best money moves you can make will need to happen right as the year begins. Within a few months, you'll have your finances back under control and your budget back on track.

Here are five of the best money moves you can make in the New Year:

1. Re-evaluate your budget. Take a really good look at your budget and see if there are any expenses or costs you can just eliminate for a while. Can you cancel a subscription? Cut back on pedicure appointments? Eat out less often? Little things like this can add up to big savings in the long run. Evaluate your budget and find ways to trim down on costs.

2. Make it easy to pad your long-term savings account. How much of your savings account did you end up spending this past year? How long will it take to rebuild that savings account? Make sure you're creating a savings "expense" in your budget so that you don't even think twice about putting away money for your long-term savings.

3. Review your bills. Make a long list of creditors and all accounts that you make monthly payments towards then find the contact information for each company. Set up a phone appointment to negotiate rates or adjust your payment plan to better fit your budget. The New Year is a great time to make these types of changes and keep your budget on track.

4. Organize your tax records. Tax day may be a few months away, but you can start putting together a file for your tax records so the filing process is that much easier. If you have a pretty good idea of how much you will owe in taxes, set up a bank account specifically for this payment. If you are expecting a refund, make sure you have all your paperwork in order.

5. Set a new earnings goal. If you currently work full-time and don't see any chances of getting a raise in the near future, consider ways that you could make yourself more marketable or even pick up a second job on the side. Going back to school to learn some new skills could earn you a promotion at your current job, or put you in a position to get a better job with a different employer. Consider ways to turn a hobby into a profitable venture or find a weekend job to earn a side income.

Source: Shine

8 Best Ways To Curb Your Food Cravings

 Cravings are intense desires for a particular food. Whether you're a stressed caregiver, a premenstrual or pregnant woman, or a tired-to-the-bone multitasker, you probably know the insistent gnaw of a craving -- maybe for salty chips? A fizzy drink? Cheesy pizza? Chocolate, in any form?
"Cravings are often more in our head than our belly or our body," says Beth Reardon, director of nutrition at Duke University Integrative Medicine and Caring.com senior food and nutrition editor. "The question to ask yourself isn't whether you should give into the craving, but what the craving is really about. Understanding that can help you make healthier choices that also feel satisfying."
Here's what's behind common cravings -- and how to curb them:

Craving cause #1: The pleasure system in your brain 

It's no coincidence that many of the foods we crave feature three components nearly irresistible to the human palate: fat, salt, and sugar. These substances light up parts of the brain known as the reward system. Before we even taste these fatty-salty-sweet foods, the very prospect of doing so triggers associations that fuel cravings, says former FDA commissioner David Kessler, author of The End of Overeating. Merely passing the golden arches at a certain time of day can trip a rabid desire for fries.

The food industry has a name for this special quality of fat, salt, and sugar used to tantalize the brain in multisensory ways: craveability. Restaurant dishes and packaged foods -- and their marketing campaigns -- are carefully engineered to appeal to the emotions, memories, and sensory stimuli that goose the pleasure system. Your brain can develop a powerful addiction response similar to one triggered by nicotine or alcohol.

To break the craving: Curb the cues.
One of the most effective ways to help break those food associations, Kessler says, is to avoid being cued in the first place. If you crave a certain fast food, drive a different route so you don't see the restaurant. If midday M&Ms are your downfall, don't routinely keep a jar of them on your desk. Have an idea what you plan to order in a chain restaurant, so you don't have to see the mouth-watering photos on the menu.
You can also change the mental associations that trigger the reward system. Research by Australian psychologist Eva Kemps has shown that once you fixate on a particular food, mental images of it distract the brain from performing other tasks well. You can harness this effect in your favor to fight cravings, she says, by thinking of a substitute image when the urge for curly fries starts to distract you: colorful flowers, or the strong smell of eucalyptus.
You can even substitute a negative association, Kessler says: When you crave nachos, tell yourself, "That's hundreds of calories on a plate." Daydreaming of a cookies-and-cream ice cream cone? Picture yourself in a bikini or swimming trunks while eating it.

Craving cause #2: Roller-coaster blood sugar

Cravings may start in your brain's reward centers, but once you give in, the results cascade through the rest of your body. Soon after you swallow that melt-in-your-mouth glazed doughnut, the snack's simple carbs cause blood sugar to spike -- and, later, to crash. The drop in blood sugar, in turn, makes you irritable, less focused, and craving another energizing carb hit.
"Foods that exacerbate blood sugar spikes tend to be white, refined-grain, highly processed simple carbs," Reardon says. "We reach for them because we think they'll make us feel better, but they wind up making us feel worse."

To break the craving: Eat more protein and complex carbs.
The best way to stop the cycle of short-term satisfaction and continued cravings is to keep blood sugar levels consistent, Reardon says. The right foods for the job: a mix of lean proteins (fish, beans, poultry, eggs), healthy fats (nuts, seeds, avocados), and complex carbs (such as ancient whole grains -- spelt, barley, quinoa, millet -- which are less processed than most wheat), as well as fruits and vegetables. These foods take longer to digest and keep blood sugar from spiking and crashing. For snacks, choose easy-to-eat variations like trail mix, sliced apples, or berries.

Craving cause #3: Depriving yourself of trigger foods, or any food

Hunger is a basic human drive -- the reminder to eat keeps us fueled. Craving fatty, filling foods may have evolved as nature's way of ensuring that we seek out enough to eat. It's little wonder, then, that the foods people crave most often are high in calorie density, rather than less energy-dense foods such as fruits and veggies, according to research at the Jean Mayer USDA Human Nutrition Research Center on Aging (USDA HNRCA) at Tufts University. On its list of the most-craved foods: chocolate, chips, and French fries.
Cravings don't always evaporate when you completely swear off foods that trigger them, research shows; they can even intensify. A similar effect occurs when you skip eating all day, as when stressed or dieting: You risk intensifying the food cravings -- and giving in when you're tired and really hungry. Cravings can even lead to bingeing this way.

To break the craving: Expect it, and make a smart substitution.
Given that cravings for calorie-dense foods are so normal, USDA researchers suggests putting that knowledge to work for you by expecting them -- and subbing lower-calorie versions of similar foods. You might be just as satisfied (and do less damage) amid a milk-and-cookies jones if the milk is skim and the cookies are gingersnaps rather than chunky-chocolate-chip, for example.
Try having a fun-sized bar of candy or a 100-calorie-sized snack pack instead of a big one. Better yet, substitute something with similar sweetness that's healthier, such as dense, sweet dates instead of a candy bar. Swap frozen whole-fruit bars for ice cream cones. (Don't believe they deliver the same kick? "Try it before you dismiss it!" Reardon urges.)

Craving cause #4: Sheer familiarity

Notice that most Americans don't crave much red-bean paste, popular in Chinese desserts, or French macaroons, the cookie found in every corner patisserie in Paris. "Basically, we crave what we know," says Reardon.
Fast food, or packaged goods like candy, chips, and cookies, are often objects of American desire because they're so visible and readily available. In fact, research has shown that chocolate is the number-one craved food in America. Japanese women crave sushi, a study at Tohoku University found, while rice cravings are common in other Asian cultures.

To break the craving: Try branching out.
It can take as many as 20 different servings before a child will start eating a new food; repeated exposures to different choices can, with diligence, build new habits for you, too. Look for swaps that echo your current craving in some way -- for example, if you're addicted to popcorn, try subbing air-popped kernels, or salted edamame, which are similarly crunchy and eaten with the fingers. Have an apple at the time you'd normally open a bag of corn chips. Be persistent; after a few weeks, you'll build a positive association to the new food.

Craving cause #5: Family history and lifestyle

Men often crave "comfort foods" such as Mom's meatloaf, greasy mac-and-cheese, or homemade chocolate chip cookies -- foods that someone else made for them that they associate with being nurtured. Women, in contrast, often go for packaged snacks like crackers or pints of ice cream, quick "bottomless" foods that they don't need to prepare and whose quantity can be ignored.
Occasions become linked to foods we crave, too: cake and birthdays, popcorn at the movies, pizza to celebrate good grades.

To break the craving: Stop to assess whether you want the food -- or the feeling.
Consider the association behind the hankering. Are you really in the mood for Mom's famous brownies, or would calling her up to hear her voice fill a need? Label what you're feeling: "I'm anxious." "I'm feeling lonely." Make healthier associations: Cheer yourself up with fresh flowers, rather than fresh cinnamon buns. To reward yourself, hit a local gift store rather than a vending machine. Remind yourself that you've come to see a movie, not to eat yourself sick.

Craving cause #6: Self-medication

Cravings often escalate when we're feeling stressed, rushed, or depressed, says Reardon. That's when the positive emotional associations of simple carbs and their quick-fix to blood sugar seem to make us quickly feel better. The seeming improvement makes us crave the "cure" all the more next time. Thus, we learn to "treat" PMS with chocolate or fix fatigue with a double espresso latte, biscotti on the side.
Even the common premenstrual chocolate cravings seem to be driven by culture and psychology rather than any underlying hormonal trigger or magic ingredient the body is craving, reported University of Pennsylvania doctoral candidate Julia Hormes in a 2010 dissertation on this topic.

To break the craving: Practice other forms of self-care.
Cravings typically last less than 15 minutes. University of Exeter researchers found that taking a short walk for a quarter hour when cravings strike eases them -- possibly because the immediate boost to brain chemistry governing mood overrides the craving's triggering of the reward system.
Feel-good measures that can ease stress or pain better than cookies: exercise, hot baths, scented lotions, a nap, and other forms of self-soothing.

Craving cause #7: Sleep deprivation

Many insomnia sufferers and night owls fail to make the link between tossing and turning at night -- and munching and crunching by day. Sleep deprivation changes the way the body responds to food, say Harvard Medical School researchers. Brain scans showed that men and women who had less sleep showed impaired judgment and less decision-making ability when looking at images of high-calorie foods, compared to a control group.
Stress levels go up when we're sleep deprived, causing the adrenal glands to work overtime, producing excessive cortisol (known as the "stress hormone") in order to better manage the stress on the body. When cortisol levels go up, levels of the hormone DHEA, which is central to maintaining proper levels of sex hormones, like estrogen and testosterone, go down -- a sequence of events that can lead to an increase in sugar cravings. High cortisol levels also can depress mood because of the impact on serotonin. Net result: a growing gnaw to nibble as the day wears on.

To break the craving: Feast on sleep.
Start with basic sleep hygiene -- in a room that's dark, cool, quiet, and has no TV or laptop -- to sleep better. When you seek to snack at bedtime, try foods that help you sleep, such as toast and oatmeal, which elevate blood sugar in a steady way. If you have an ongoing sleep problem, seek a doctor's help to fix it.
A nap can help carry you past the mid-afternoon slump that lack of sleep can worsen. Sunlight, a short walk, and a midday meal with protein can also help.

Craving cause #8: A nutritional deficiency

Many people assume that we snarf pretzels because we need salt, or dream of burgers when we're low in protein. But craving foods rich in nutrients our bodies lack is actually rare, Reardon says. "You're not craving chocolate because you need the tryptophan, serotonin, and magnesium in it, or you'd be eating a banana," she says.
One unusual exception: pica, a craving for nonfood items (often: paint chips, clay, chalk, or dirt) that's often rooted in an iron deficiency or other mineral deficiency. Some people develop a compulsion to chew ice.

To break the craving: Get medical help.
A compulsion to eat nonfood items should always be checked out by a physician.
Source: Health

Reasons Why People Fall Out Of Love

 “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!” sang Dean Martin. We all know the delicious feeling of new love, but what about the flip side? Love doesn’t always last, and its retreat can leave us bewildered, confused or downright depressed. 

 Even if you were raised on a plentiful diet of fairy tales, you know that “till death do us part” can be a rare thing. Even staying with someone forever is no guarantee of experiencing lasting love. But why do people really fall out of love? Is there anything we can do to make love stay? Do some of us give up too easily? To understand the phenomenon of love’s end, we asked the experts’ opinions on the subject. Here are the top three reasons they shared with us: 

1. A distancing “Wave” can topple a good thing if you let it. Ken Page, psychotherapist and author of the Finding Love blog for Psychology Today and founder of the Deeper Dating website, has identified a phenomenon that can destroy new love: “The ‘Wave’ occurs when we unconsciously push a caring and available person away by inwardly diminishing his or her worth.” Think about how Carrie Bradshaw behaved when she first started dating Aidan Shaw: Aidan was “too available” and Carrie freaked because she wasn’t used to being with someone so open.

“When someone is available and decent,” Page explains, “something inside us knows [this person] can get to our nest, our soul — the place where we care the most and can be hurt the most. And our unconscious gets panicked.” If you find yourself breaking up with someone awesome for no good reason, check yourself; you might be acting out of fear. After all, real love is a big deal. It involves a leap of faith, and that can be a scary thing. Those who give in to the Wave fall out of love before they even give themselves a chance to fall properly in love, and that’s kind of sad. 

2. Unwillingness to discuss relationship problems. OK, let’s say you’ve taken that leap and you’re in a long-term, committed relationship. Good for you! Now, don’t forget to communicate with your partner regularly. Guy Winch, Ph.D., author of The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships and Enhance Self-Esteem, says that people fall out of love because they don’t talk through their relationship peeves with each other: “Research shows that couples who are able to voice complaints well and discuss them productively have greater marital satisfaction and much lower divorce rates than couples who are unable to do so.” If you’re in a newer relationship, iron out the kinks early on to keep love alive over the long haul. “It is much easier to address issues earlier in a relationship than later, just as it is much harder to mold cement once it has dried and hardened,” explains Winch.

The key word here, however, is “productively.” It usually doesn’t help to fight and blame your partner for all of the relationship’s problems. Dr. Fran Praver, author of The New Science of Love: How Understanding Your Brain’s Wiring Can Help Rekindle Your Relationship, says that “when couples play the blame game, they wage a war of being right where both parties lose. It may seem like a strong personality to insist on being right, but in fact ‘rightness’ is born out of rigidity and weakness, not strength.” Couples fall out of love when they can’t find a way to make the partnership good for both people involved. Creativity and open minds are the stuff of lasting love; silence and blaming, though? Not so much. 

3. People change or get bored with each other. April Masini, the relationship expert behind AskApril.com and author of Romantic Date Ideas, says: “Over time, people can change — or more often, they become who they really are. Someone who loved his steady business career may suddenly realize he always wanted to be a stand-up comedian and throw caution to the wind to chase his dreams.” People evolve; circumstances change — and sometimes, relationships can’t be sustained as a result. But if you really know your partner down to the core, the changes won’t be as shocking. “The kind of change that leads to love lost is always about a buried desire to be someone that’s repressed inside,” continues Masini. “It’s important to really know your partner to avoid this lost-love syndrome.” In other words, don’t neglect someone you care about. You cannot get to know a person thoroughly right away — rather, it’s a lifelong journey. There’s a whole universe inside the person you fell for, and if you don’t check in with that individual on a regular basis, you could wake up one day hearing this: “I’m unhappy. I’m moving to another country to start my life over fresh, and you’re not invited.” 

If you find yourself perusing faraway rental homes and thinking, “He’s changed!” or “I’m just so bored with her,” think about holding on and digging a little deeper first. “At a certain point in a relationship, according to Imago Couples Therapy,” says Page, “each partner feels that the thing they most need from their partner is the very thing that their partner can’t give. At that point, many people feel that the relationship has run its course and they leave. The reality, however, is much different. This can be the beginning phase of an entirely new level of intimacy, if they each decide to learn to grow and try to give that partner what [he or she needs most].” 

Then again, love doesn’t necessarily have to last decades (or a lifetime) to matter. Romantic relationships can also evolve into dear friendships — and that’s perfectly fine. Dr. Lissa Coffey, author of the book, Closure and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings, agrees. “We may come together for a certain period of time to help each other learn and grow, and when that has been accomplished, we’ve gotten everything we were meant to get out of the relationship. Then it changes,” Coffey explains. “It doesn’t have to end; it’s just redefined.” 

Source: Yahoo match